


Every Wound Can Be Forgotten In The Right Light

by brokenhighways



Series: Happy Endings [10]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 18:01:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1356850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes moving on is easier said than done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Wound Can Be Forgotten In The Right Light

**Author's Note:**

> Pretend that my summary is something eloquent. Title from ‘Spotlight’ by Patrick Stump. I apologise in advance for any switching between US and UK English.

"Ugh,” Jared is saying when Jensen gets back to the front room with two bottles of water in his hand. “Jeff wants me to come back and do a shift at the restaurant. Apparently the new guy is quote ‘about to his get his ass fired’ unquote.” Jared hasn’t had much luck finding a permanent job yet and Jensen knows that bothers him.

“Are you going to do it?” Jensen asks as he joins Jared on the couch, tosses him a bottle and starts to uncap his own. He knows how much Jared misses playing, especially when Jeff had let him practice all the time when he’d been working there. For the longest time Jensen had though that Jared loved that Steinway more than _him_.

“Nope,” Jared says. “He _fired_ me. He can make do with the new guy. Serves him right.”

Jensen laughs. “Didn’t you guys kiss and make up when he and Danneel started dating?” Jensen doesn’t really know Jeff all that well, but he’s sure that Jared wouldn’t be proclaiming to be Danneel’s matchmaker over a guy that he hated.

“We did,” Jared confirms. “Doesn’t mean I ever want to play at that place ever again.”

“Hmm,” Jensen says. He decides to change the subject. “When are we going to tell the guys that we’re together again?”

“We can do it whenever,” Jared replies. “I mean…we’re not going to break up anytime soon. Right?”

“No,” Jensen says. “Why would you even ask that?” His tone is a lot snappier than he intends it to be and he can feel Jared tense up. Jared shifts on the couch and holds his hands up defensively.

“I just meant it in a theoretical sense,” he says. “Are we really going to argue over this?”

Jensen snorts. “The only person turning this into an argument is _you_.” He does his best to look indifferent but inside there’s an almost violent thudding in his chest. This is their first real non-argument since they got back together. From the look on Jared’s face he’s having similar thoughts.

“Sorry,” Jared says eventually. “Just…I thought that we were past the stage where we get tripped over small turns of phrase and I don’t want to have to keep second guessing myself around _you_ , let alone everyone else.”

Jensen takes a deep breath. “That wasn’t just a turn of phrase, Jared. It sounded a hell of a lot like the uncertainty that led to you calling off our wedding. And I know that you still feel guilty, but it’s got to stop. We won’t survive if we have an elephant in the room all the damn time.”

“Fine,” Jared says. “You’re right.” He doesn’t sound happy and Jensen can’t help frowning. It suddenly seems like there’s a lot more going on than Jared’s ‘turn of phrase’.

~

Chad’s at the bar in their normal booth when Jensen gets there later on in the evening. Jared left his place at lunchtime, claiming that he had stuff to do. Jensen’s not sure if Jared’s still upset or if they’re good but he decides to just forget about it. Couples argue over dumb shit all the time. It’s normal.

“Hey, man,” Chad says when Jensen slides in next to him. “What the hell crawled up Jared’s ass and died? I’m guessing that it wasn’t your dick.”

Jensen holds his face in his hands. “Remind me why we’re friends again?”

“You know why, bitch,” Chad replies. Jensen merely shakes his head. “Anyway. Back to Jared. What did you do?”

“What makes you think that it’s _my_ fault?” Jensen snaps. Huh. Maybe he is a little on edge today. Chad stares at him with wide eyes.

“Okay…” he holds his hands up, much like Jared did earlier. Jensen sighs, and wipes a hand down his face. If he’s honest with himself, he has been a little bit off today. The end of yesterday was good and all, but he’s worried that he’s pushing at the whole moving in together thing much like he apparently did with his proposal. He feels like it’s _his_ fault that Jared’s been making excuses since he brought it up.

“It’s not about Jared not wanting to move in right away is it?” Jensen’s not sure when Chad became such a perspective motherfucker.

“Maybe,” he says. “Why, has Jared said anything?”

“Maybe,” Chad echoes. “And I’m not going to tell you if he did. But if I was, I would say that you had nothing to worry about and that you might get what you want sooner rather than later.”

“If you say so,” Jensen shrugs, though really he’s trying his best not to press Chad for more information. “I’m going to go and find Jared and see if he’s in a better mood.”

“We have a strict ‘no bodily fluids on the couch’ policy,” Chad says dryly. “Please don’t ruin my sacred haven for me.”

Jensen laughs. “It’s a little too late for that.” He’s lying, but hey, Chad doesn’t need to know that.

~

Katie’s next dinner party takes place a week after their sort-of-argument over telling the rest of the group. Jared’s been a little distant ever since. There’s been a lot of hushed phone calls and sudden change of plans and Jensen barely knows whether Jared is coming or going. So he’s a little thrown when Jared calls for quiet and says,

“Me and Jensen are back together.” There’s silence in the room for a few seconds before Katie rolls her eyes.

“ _Now_ you tell us,” she says petulantly. “You’re both kind of obvious. Like how Jensen tried to play footsie with me that one time in bar when I was sitting next to Jared.” Jensen pulls a face. He’s never been good at geometry.

“Wait so…you all knew,” Jared asks. A chorus of ‘duh’s ring around the room.

“So does this mean the wedding is back on?” Chris asks. Jensen bites his lip nervously. They haven’t spoken about that. In fact, there are a lot of things that they haven’t spoken about. He makes a mental note in his head to bring it up later when they’re away from prying eyes.

“Oooh!” Katie exclaims suddenly, leaving the question hanging in the air awkwardly. Jensen wonders if her interruption is deliberate. “You know what we should do now? Couple’s game night!”

Jared groans. “I thought this was supposed to be a dinner party.”

“She ruined dinner,” Aldis admits. “We were going order something and sneak it in but we got distracted. Chad’s bringing pizza.”

“Hang on, who are me, Danneel and Chad supposed to play with? Or do we get to miss this torture?” Chris is wisely trying to get out of the mess that typically masquerades as one of Katie’s game nights. For one, Jensen only remembers that he and Jared seem to get into arguments whenever they’re at one of these things.

“Maybe we should do this another time,” he says.

“Yeah,” Jared adds. They share a long look. Jensen thinks he hears Chris mutter ‘oh boy’ under his breath.

“No, come on, it’ll be fun,” Katie says. “Right, Aldis?” Aldis nods sheepishly. Chris holds out his hand a mimes the action of a whip being lashed. Jared stifles his laughter while Jensen shoots Aldis a sympathetic look. They all know that none of them are leaving until they play Katie’s stupid game.

“Oh and Danneel is bringing Jeff, so we can like, give him the talk about not breaking Danneel’s heart on a Friday if he’s going to ever break up with her,” Katie adds. “I’m still wondering where my post-Mark weekend went.”

“You ate about six tubs of ice cream and watched Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride,” Aldis says dryly.

Jared grins. “So it probably went straight to your hips.” Katie glares at him.

“You’re lucky that you’re my favorite.” Jared sticks his tongue out at her and ducks when she throws a cushion at his head. Jensen can’t help smiling as he watches the exchange; it’s the most animated that he’s seen Jared this week. Chad walks in then, with boxes piled up in his hands and Katie, Chris and Aldis wander over towards him and head into the kitchen.

“That went well,” Jared remarks.

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees. They share another long look. “Actually, can I speak to you for a second? We can go out on the deck.” Jared nods and they both stand and head towards the sliding doors.

“So…you’ve been acting a little strange this week,” Jensen says. “Are you still upset over that conversation we had? I…I didn’t know you were going to tell everyone today.”

“I thought we agreed on whenever,” Jared replies.

Jensen bites back a sigh. “No, because that was when you flipped out on me.” He doesn’t want to turn this into yet another argument but he feels like Jared’s pushing him.

“Okay,” Jared says easily. “I’m sorry for not running it by you _and_ for being an asshole this week. I’m just stressed out at the moment over not having a job, how to pay rent and…other stuff.”

“And you think that’s my fault.” Jensen means to ask it as a question but it comes out like a statement.

“What?” Jared takes a step closer towards him. “I don’t blame you for any of this. I…I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that way. That is the last thing that I want. I’m just. This is stupid. Can we just put this behind us? I’m sorry that I made that comment about us not breaking up and I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you before I told the guys we’re back together.” There’s still something there; something that Jensen’s missing, but he decides to let it go for now. Jared’s never been good at hiding things from him.

“Fine,” he says. Chad starts yelling for Jared to get his butt inside and Jared rolls his eyes and goes, leaving Jensen on his own. He stands there, looking up to the sky.

“Trouble in paradise?” Katie asks from behind him. Jensen jumps, hand flying up to his chest as she startles him.

“What?” he says when he realizes what she said. “No. Yes. Maybe…I don’t know. We were good until I asked him when we were going to tell everyone that we’re back together.”

Katie nods slowly. “Why do you think that is?”

Jensen shrugs. “I don’t know. But…I don’t want to be wondering if he’s having second thoughts all the time. It’ll drive me insane.”

“Jared’s changed a lot since you first broke up,” Katie says. “Maybe you haven’t noticed yet but he actually cares about what people think about him now. Or cares more than he used to.”

Jensen knows that she doesn’t mean that as an insult, but he still feels as though she’s taking a hit when he’s down. “He’s _always_ cared, Katie. Just because he puts on a front and doesn’t ever show any signs of weakness doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care.”

“If you know that then you should be able to see why he’d be skittish about telling everyone about you being back together,” Katie adds. “But because I like to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, I’ll tell you. There was no shortage of people telling Jared that he was a horrible person for doing what he did, no shortage of people offering up their unwanted opinions and making Jared feel worse than he already did.”

“What does that have to do with us telling our _friends_ ,” Jensen practically yells. “He won’t move back in, he has the nerve to ask _me_ if we’re going to break up again and now you’re telling me that he’s worried about what everyone else will think? Who cares what they think? If I can get over it, he damn well can!”

“Jensen---“

“No, Katie. I’m sorry. I don’t have to listen to this from _you_ ,” he says. “If Jared doesn’t think I’ll understand then there’s no point is there?” He brushes past her and walks inside to grab his jacket. From the look on Jared’s face, it’s clear that he heard every word but Jensen doesn’t care.

He leaves.

~

Jared catches up with him in the landing. “Jensen, wait!” Jensen really wants to just keep walking and not hear Jared out but that’s the very thing he’s always accusing Jared of doing; of running away. He stops and turns to face Jared.

“Katie had no right to say what she did,” Jared says quickly. “I didn’t say _any_ of that to her.”

“But it’s true isn’t it? You’re worried about what people will think?” Despite what he said moments earlier, Jensen gets it. People _are_ going to talk. They’re going to judge Jared, hell, they’re going to judge _him_.

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t,” Jared admits. “My mom doesn’t think we’re doing the right thing. That’s why I was so pissed off this week. She adores you but she doesn’t think we can make it, and…that does bother me, but not to the point where I would put her opinion above yours.”

“And what about not wanting to tell the guys?” Jensen asks. Jared lets out a frustrated sigh.

“I didn’t _not_ want to tell them, I mean…look, Chad knows and that doesn’t bother me. Just, I liked that it was just _us_. It’s never been that way before. When we first started dating, my friends were way too involved and yours were too and these past few weeks of spending time together by ourselves has been great. I didn’t want to lose that.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?” Jensen responds in his best ‘I think you’re an idiot’ tone.

“I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea!” Jared says. He laughs softly. “But…you did anyway so…I guess I should have just been upfront about it in the first place.”

“I guess I can forgive your idiocy, just this once,” Jensen says.

“Thank you, sir,” Jared says solemnly. He bows and Jensen whacks his arm playfully.

Danneel and Jeff arrive then and give Jensen and Jared cautious looks.

“She’s not doing one of her couple’s game nights is she?” Danneel asks. “Because you guys almost always end up arguing out here over something stupid and then we all have to sit there and try not to interrupt to tell Jensen that remembering that Jared’s favourite colour is green really isn’t that hard.” Huh, Jensen thinks. Their friends are a little overinvested in their relationship.

“Nah, we’re doing pizza and a movie,” Jared lies. He nods at Jeff, who waves a hand in return before he and Danneel disappear into the apartment.

Jared cackles gleefully. “No game night for us, baby!”

“Danneel is going to kill you,” Jensen says right before he turns and hurries down the stairs, with Jared hot on his heels.

~

They head back to Jensen’s place – _their_ – place. Jensen’s gaze lingers on the door of the spare room as he thinks about the surprise he’s been planning with Chad. It’s a piano room, complete with a Steinway  & Sons grand piano that cost him a pretty penny. He thinks about how stressed Jared’s been over the past week and how happy they’ve been despite their argument and misunderstanding. He sends Chad a text when Jared nips into the bathroom.

“You know, I can‘t stop thinking about what Chris said,” Jared says as he sits next to Jensen on the couch. He’s a lot closer than necessary but Jensen doesn’t mind. “About the wedding.”

Jensen stiffens. “We don’t have to talk about that _now_.”

“We do,” Jared insists. “We’ve always wanted to get married. And in the end, I think we left it too late. Look at Katie and Aldis; they got married after a year. Danneel was ready to get married about two hours.”

“I’m telling her that you said that,” Jensen says, but he laughs anyway. Jared grins and continues, “I feel like we waited too long and then…well, you know what happened.”

“That’s kind of us all over though,” Jensen replies. “It took us a year to start dating, longer to finally decide that we want to live together and… _you_ decided not to propose whenever it was that you bought that ring.” Jensen tries to keep his tone light; because he gets it. They’d always agreed that they’d think about marriage and whatever came after that once they were both settled down and working in stable jobs. In hindsight, maybe Jared’s right. Maybe they should have thrown caution to the wind and just done it before now.

“If I could go back, I’d do it differently,” Jared says boldly. “I’d have asked you right there and then.”

“But you can’t,” Jensen says. Not to be mean or anything, but it’s true. They can’t change the past, no matter how much they want to.

Jared shakes his head. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that last time, we waited too long and all kinds of things ended up getting in the way. This time…I think we should just go for it. Throw caution to the wind and tell it to go and fuck itself.”

“You’ve been spending far too much time with Chad,” Jensen says fondly. And then Jared’s words really _sink_ in. “Wait…are you…is this a proposal?”

“If you want it to be,” Jared says easily. Jensen suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. “You don’t need to answer right now—“ Jared’s cut off by the door slamming. Chad walks in, not caring that he’s just interrupted them.

“Have you shown him yet?” he asks, promptly ruining the whole surprise. “I’m still trying to get that tile glue out of my hair.” Jensen glares at him. He can feel Jared looking at him so he decides to put his death glare on pause. He’ll get Chad back later.

“What’s going on?” Jared asks. “Ooh, is this about what the two of you have been so hush, hush about?”

“Well, I thought that Chad should be here because he helped out, but I’m regretting that decision now.”

“You know, you could have just amended your message a little.” Jensen opens his mouth to say some biting remark, but the door springs open and straight into Chad’s side. While Chad is howling in pain, Katie, Chris and Aldis walk in, followed by Jeff and Danneel.

“I don’t remember asking you to invite the Brady Bunch along with you,” Jensen says dryly. Chad gives him the finger.

“Jensen, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for butting in before,” Katie says. “I would hate it if someone just did that to me and Aldis and just…in future just tell me when to shut up, okay?”

“He’s too much of a gentleman,” Chris says. “He’ll let you talk and then spend an hour bitching about it on the phone.”

Jensen sighs wearily. His friends are exhausting.

“Or he’ll make that face and will you into silence,” Jared adds.

“I can’t take this anymore,” Chad says. “He got you a damn piano. The expensive kind that costs tens of thousands of dollars. I helped him get it in here and helped him turn your spare room into a damn piano room. I told him that you’d just be having your weird music friends over a lot, but did he listen to me? Nope. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go home and die in peace. God, which one of you maniacs opened the door? Haven’t you heard of knocking?” They watch as he leaves his voice still audible even when the door closes.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Jared says right before he leaps up and practically races over to the spare room. It’s nothing special, there’s just a couch in the far corner, and shelves for Jared to maybe put his sheet music on. And, right in the centre is the piano in all of its black, shiny, sleek glory. Jensen’s only ever played a guitar but he has to admit that there’s something enchanting about grand pianos.

Chris lets out a whistle when he sees it. “I do _not_ want to know how much this cost.”

Katie sighs wistfully. “Aldis never spends this much kasheesh on me.”

“Firstly, please don’t say kasheesh [1], and secondly…actually I can’t get past ‘kasheesh’,” Aldis says. He gives Jensen a look as if to say ‘ _see what you’ve started now_ ’. Jensen shrugs apologetically.

“Oh my god it’s perfect,” Jared says, completely unaware of anything else happening. He runs hand across the top of the piano. “I can’t accept this, Jensen, it must have cost a _fortune_.”

“It wasn’t brand new,” Jensen says. “So I didn’t pay like, store price for it.”

“I know how much this one was,” Jared replies as he looks up at Jensen. “I…this is way too much.”

“We’re going to go,” Aldis says quickly, guiding a reluctant-looking Katie out of the room. “Come on, baby, let’s go.”

“But…we should so get this on video,” Katie is saying. “It’s a momentous occasion! At least _one_ of us should stick around.”

“You have a sickness,” Chris says. “JaredandJensenitis or something.”

The door slams and they don’t hear anything after that. Just silence.

Their departure seems to break some sort of dam. Jared can't quite hide his disbelief. "I can’t…I…" he loses track of what he's saying, but Jensen's right there, taking both of his hands and pulling him towards him. He smiles at Jared sweetly; not seeming to care that Jared can't even get a stupid sentence out of his mouth.

“Yes,” Jensen says suddenly, mind suddenly focusing on what they’d been talking about before Chad interrupted them.

Jared blinks rapidly. “Yes?”

"I asked you to marry me for all the wrong reasons last time, and we paid the price," Jensen says. "But in a way, I'm kind of glad, because all of those months apart were the hardest I've been through. All because my life is a whole lot brighter when I'm with you, I'm not myself unless I'm with you."

"You sound like you swallowed a Hallmark card," Jared jokes, even though there are tears in his eyes. Jensen can see the conflictions in Jared’s eyes, can almost hear what he’s thinking. Probably that he doesn't deserve this; not when he thinks that he almost ruined things for good. Not when he fought and resisted them getting back together because he thought there was no hope. Not when he was the one who gave up.

None of that matters anymore.

"Whatever you're thinking, just stop," Jensen says. He pokes Jared's forehead gently. "So, what do you say, man? You wanna start practicing for when you become a world renowned pianist?”

Jared bites his lower lip anxiously. "I do. I really do. But I can’t accept this, Jensen. What if I freak out again and fuck everything up? And--mmmf!" Jensen silences him with a kiss. It's chaste; short, sweet with a promise.

He pulls back. "I stopped listening after 'I do'. Where was that last year?” Jared swats at his head but he laughs.

”Besides, I owed you a piano anyway,” Jensen says. Jared’s last one had been damaged as a result of the now infamous apartment fire of ’06 and they hadn’t been able to afford a new on.

“I think this calls for a celebration,” he says, leaning in to capture Jensen’s mouth with his own. Even though there's always going to be that sense of familiarity, the prospect of sex with Jared makes Jensen a little nervous. He remembers the last time they'd slept together. The angry, hurt and raw feelings that passed through them both as they moved in tandem and pushed at each other roughly.

He hates that that's the last memory he has, so he sets about making a new one.

~

Later, when they're lying in bed, sated and regaining their breath, Jared looks over at Jensen and runs a hand down his chest.

"I love you," he whispers. And then, "I'm sorry." Jensen tries to convey his response to the apology with his eyes, but nothing can stop him from saying, "I love you too."

* * *

[1] **Kasheesh –** slang for ‘cash’.


End file.
